Somewhere along the line, I began taking selfies when I wasn’t feeling well, instead of only pointing the camera at my face when I was feeling well and having a good day.

At some point I began to realize you could totally see the pain on my face, and sometimes when my face went numb you could even see the right side drooping. I found this all fascinating, and almost a bit therapeutic, odd as that seems.

The upper left is a relatively healthy, feeling-pretty-good kind of day.
The upper right is a moderate headache (probably once a week)
Lower left is a pretty rough headache (probably once a month)
Lower right is about three days after I fell.

I only have one selfie from the early part of my recovery because it didn’t even occur to me to take any. Hard to believe I was formerly a queen of selfies LOL.

It also didn’t occur to me to take photos of the driveway where I fell, even after the insurance company asked for them. AND I’M A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER…. this makes me laugh…. and it’s good to be able to laugh when going through this lonely journey.

As painful as it can be to look at yourself and see how different you look, it is a bit of a healing process to be able to look through the images, and see that you are starting to have more good days than bad days. I encourage you to start a selfie routine when you’re feeling a bit like crap, you’ll be surprised at how therapeutic it can be!!

 

 

 

On a cold February morning, my life changed forever. Walking down the driveway of my building, I slipped on a patch of sheer ice. My feet went straight up, and I landed with my head taking the full impact, briefly knocking me unconscious.

When I started to get up, I knew I wasn’t okay. I had an excruciating pain in my skull where it hit, and I was seeing whirly, bright lights out of my left eye.

The doctor confirmed I had a severe concussion, major whiplash, C4/5 damage, a dislocated sternum, and multiple torn muscles. I had no idea the road to recovery I’d face, and how drastically my life had just changed.

I had been doing yoga since college because it brought me balance and peace, and was an instant de-stresser me. With all of my physical injuries added to my traumatic brain injury (TBI), I could no longer do yoga.

After months of vertigo, dizziness and balance issues, cognitive problems, short-term memory loss, and the pain of my physical injuries, I was at the end of my rope. I felt like I would never find any relief, and worried that the TBI would leave me permanently impaired and unable to ever do physical exercise again.

I consulted with a neurologist, chiropractic neurologist, as well as the National Balance and Dizzy Center. I was encouraged to attempt some physical movement, as it would eventually help my body work out its kinks and stabilize my balance issues. It seemed counter intuitive at the time; however, I was desperate to have some sense of normalcy and routine in my life.

About fifteen months after my accident, I took private lessons with my yoga instructor in an attempt to find poses I could do—poses that wouldn’t trigger my vertigo or cause tension in my neck or sternum/clavicle area.

My instructor taught me how to use a chair or wall to support myself in standing poses so I didn’t feel like I was going to fall. We found five poses I could do with modifications that didn’t cause any problems or flare ups, including: Tree, Mountain, Cat/Cow, Puppy Dog, Forward Bend, and Seated Spine Twist.

Within about six weeks of doing these five poses every day for 10 minutes, I gradually added Down Dog, Plank, and Warrior for a breath. My vertigo and dizzy issues seemed to almost completely subside, and my balance was coming back closer to what it was pre-accident. Now with modifications I can do many of the poses I used to do. I still can’t do any back bends or tip my head backwards, but I am on an amazing road to recovery, thanks to yoga.

I urge anyone with a TBI or other injury to try to incorporate yoga into your daily routine. If you think, “I’m not flexible, I can’t do yoga,” you are absolutely wrong! If I can do this, I know you can too.

1. Listen to your body. Don’t do anything that hurts or causes you pain. Mild discomfort is to be expected if you haven’t stretched your body in awhile, however, if it actually hurts, listen to your body. Don’t do that particular pose, or modify it to fit what your body is capable of. If a pose triggers vertigo, try modifying it so that your head doesn’t have to move, or else move on to a different pose.

2. Connect your breath. Oxygen is critical for brain health, and yoga helps you connect your breath to your movements. Take strong, deep inhalations, and allow the out-breath to help you get deeper into the pose and deeper into the now ~ releasing all negative thoughts and emotions.

3. Modify poses. In the beginning I could only do 5 simple, basic, stretching poses. I had to use a chair or wall to hold onto for balance. I couldn’t do any poses that required my head forward or backward. Don’t feel obligated to do every pose in a series, do what you can do and go at your own pace. Yoga is an individual “sport” and there is no one to impress other than yourself.

4. Believe in yourself. I know it’s a challenge when you haven’t been able to do physical exercise in months, but I finally took the plunge and I know you can too! Yoga has SO many health benefits, and I truly believe in you and your ability to get moving and start feeling better. Let go of the resistance that is holding you back, and allow yourself to move forward in your recovery! Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you!

TAKE THE YOGA CHALLENGE!

Yoga Today is one of the leading providers of online yoga classes, and they are gifting the world with 16 specifically designed and sequenced classes to connect or reconnect people with the deep power and benefits of yoga!

This FREE online course of 16 classes is available until February 16, 2016, and for those who finish all 16 classes, Yoga Today has some exciting gifts to give you – just for giving yoga a try!

Additionally, Yoga Today is launching a new philanthropic initiative in 2016. For every membership purchased, they will give a free month of classes to someone suffering financial hardship.

After 10 years, thousands of classes and 350,000 followers, executive producer Kim Whitman wanted to give something back.

“The past decade has been one of tremendous growth for our company, and we just decided to do something a little special for our current community and prospective students,” she said. “This course is like no other we have ever created. The course is designed specifically to tap into the power that comes with the start of the new year and to give people a boost to embrace what lies ahead. The course helps people look deep and turn on their own personal power.”

You can start the YOGA CHALLENGE here:
http://www.yogatoday.com/challenges/16-in-16

Amy Zellmer is a professional photographer and author located in Saint Paul, MN. She suffered a traumatic brain injury in February 2014, and is currently advocating to raise awareness about the severity of concussions and TBI. She released her first book “Life With a Traumatic Brain Injury: Finding the Road Back to Normal” in 2015. www.facesoftbi.com

 

As I look back on 2015, I am in awe of everything that I have managed to accomplish. It has by far been one of the most fulfilling and rewarding years of my life, yet, ironically also one of the most painful and challenging.

In January I was still struggling with my traumatic brain injury (TBI) effects. The holidays had really taken a toll on my neuro fatigue and I was still walking around in a somewhat zombie-like trance.

In February as I reached my one year anniversary date, I decided it was time to start writing about it. What started out as a personal blog post has turned into something bigger than I could have ever imagined at that moment.

At a friends urging, I submitted my blog to the Huffington Post. To my astonishment, I heard back from Arianna Huffington herself within about 20 minutes, telling me that she would be thrilled to feature my content on her site, and put me in touch with one of the editors to set up my account.

My original post “Life With a Traumatic Brain Injury” currently has over 30,000 likes and it has been shared, tweeted, pinned, and so-on several thousands times. By the end of the month I had submitted my second piece, and was receiving hundreds of emails and messages telling me how MY writing had impacted other survivor’s lives. I had officially gone viral!

In March I was fortunate to attend Brain Injury Awareness Day in Washington DC, after a very successful GoFundMe campaign. I had been given two weeks notice of BIA Day and scrambled to make arrangements. In the end, I spent a whirlwind 36 hours in DC and met some truly amazing people!

While in DC I was asked to be a volunteer on the Brain Injury Association of America’s Advisory Council (BIAAC) which I excitedly accepted. We meet monthly via a conference call, and it feels to wonderful to be a part of such an amazing group ~ a group of survivors coming together to try to make a difference in other survivor’s lives!

At the end of April I took off on a two week road trip to Key West, Florida where I would be photographing a childhood friend’s wedding. On the way I was able to visit with friends in Nashville, Atlanta, and Chicago. I am truly blessed to do what I love, and have friends across the country.

May kicked off in Key West and when I returned I attended the brain injury conference in Minneapolis, put on by the MN Brain Injury Alliance. I also became involved in their Citizen’s Advocate program, which involved lobbying at our state capitol which successfully resulted in lowering the spend-down for medical assistance!

In June I had the pleasure of another road trip, this one to Breaux Bridge, Lousiana to support my dear friend Paul’s BBQ4TBI fundraiser. I took a fellow TBI friend along on the journey and we had an amazing time!

June is also the month I received a referral to a Cranial Sacral Therapist (CST). This is the single best thing my neurologist has done for me, and has been the most impactful in my recovery. Combined with daily yoga, and the intense pressure and fogginess in my brain began to subside. I began to start feeling like a real human being again, and it was a total tipping point in my recovery.

I also began attending a local women writer’s group, where it started to become clear that I was on a path to write a book. In July I had the ah-ha moment that I could turn my Huffington Post pieces into a book without a ton of extra work to do. It was already mostly written, all I had to do was a hire an editor to make it all blend together!

In August I began a Kickstarter campaign to fund my book project. My campaign was fully funded within the first three hours, which is almost unheard of in crowd funding. I had over 100 amazing supporters back my book and help make it a reality!

Once the Kickstarter was over in September, my editor and I put ourselves into high gear to get my book to print. I managed to stress everyone but myself out by picking a date for my book launch without already having the book finished! Haha!

I spent the month of October hunkered down and putting the finishing touches on my book. I also had the pleasure of attending quite a few of my writing friends book launches. It was such a wonderful feeling to experience the birth of their book with them!

November kicked off with my book launch party, which had about 50 amazing friends and supporters in attendance. I also had the opportunity to attend the MN bloggers conference and meet some other folks who were passionate about writing.

The event that stands out the most for me though is attending the American Brain Foundation’s annual gala and meeting Ben Utecht. Ben is a former NFL superbowl champ who suffered a career ending concussion about five years ago. He is their current spokesperson, and is a truly a wonderful guy. He took time to meet me and asked how I was feeling. I sent him home with a copy of my book!!

In addition to all the fun stuff happening, November was also when I discovered that I was having double vision. Thanks to my amazing and persistent eye doctor, Dr. Stefanie Hurst, she didn’t give up and brush me aside like the neurologist and neuro ophthalmologist did. She was suspicious that I was having double vision, even though I stated I wasn’t seeing two of everything. She dug deeper and discovered that my eye was working overtime to keep me from seeing double, and prescribed me some glasses to help me with computer work and reading! I will start vision therapy in the new year.

December was a fairly low-key month, however it still had some highlights! I was able to connect with the Minneapolis VA hospital and meet with the TBI outpatient support group. The group of men was so warm and welcoming, and invited me to come back soon ~ so I did! I got a sponsor to help donate 50 books to the VA so all the support groups could get copies, as well as have a supply on hand to send home with anyone in the hospital who had recently suffered a TBI/concussion. It was totally heartwarming to show up at their holiday party with books wrapped up to give them! They were so appreciate and thankful!

As December winded down, I was reflecting on all that I had accomplished and realized ~ it was a lot! Even though I am definitely still recovering from my accident, I am moving forward and using my skills and voice to be and advocate for the TBI community. I am passionate about raising awareness, so that no one else has to suffer with the ignorance of friends and family like I did.

I wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year. May your 2016 be full of gratitude and hope.

I created this short video blog to share with you one of my reflections of 2015 and how it was a year of transition. I just know 2016 is going to be amazing for TBI advocacy, and I hope to continue growing awareness! You all are doing your part as well by sharing my blogs and videos!

Happy New Year!!!
grab your gratitude worksheet mentioned in the video: http://bit.ly/1kqfVFI

As the end of the year draws near, I find myself reflecting on all that has been presented to me in 2015. I have had a pretty amazing year, given my setbacks and challenges. I am extremely grateful for all that has been given to me …. including my TBI!

Gratitude is critical to our happiness. So is choosing our attitude. Our recovery and happiness is determined by OURSELVES….. We each have the ability to choose whether to be happy or sad, compassionate or resentful, determined or defeated. It is up to each of us to choose our attitude and overcome our challenges; no one else can do that for us!

I have created a short video blog for you to watch, as well as a Gratitude Worksheet (which I explain in the video!) for you. You can download the worksheet here ———> CLICK HERE.

 

 

Today in Saint Paul, MN we are preparing for our first big snowfall/ice/sleet event. It is stirring up some icky feelings and emotions for me, as I sustained my TBI after falling on the ice in Feb. 2014.

Almost two years later, I can still hear the sound of my skull making impact with the cement. It was a horrible, god-awful sound that I will never, ever forget.

I created a short video blog post for you, I hope that it helps you understand how our own attitude is critical in our recovery!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to my WCCO radio interview with Roshini:

 

Last night I had the chance to see an advance screening of the movie “Concussion” starring Will Smith. It was an absolutely wonderful movie, and I am hopeful that Will Smith receives Best Actor for his role as Dr. Bennett Omalu. His performance was outstanding!

The movie sheds a lot of light on concussions and the impact that repetitive head trauma has on our brains. In the movie, Dr. Omalu shares how many other animals, such as a Woodpecker, have protective barriers built-in to keep their brains safe as they peck on wood. Humans, on the other hand, have no protective barriers. Our brains are floating in a sack of fluid inside our skull, and can easily make impact with our skull without even hitting our head. It’s important to understand that every concussion is a brain injury, to some extent.

What really struck me is how many NFL players have committed suicide because they simply can no longer deal with the cognitive challenges they are facing, such as failing memory and losing the ability to think clearly or come up with the correct word. (side note: I had to lean over and ask my friend what that thing was that he was looking at slides with….. I couldn’t for the life of me come up with the word “microscope”).

It made me very sad to see the way the NFL treated Dr. Omalu, trying to tarnish his reputation and threatening him. At the end of the movie, it was interesting to see that the NFL settled with about 5,000 players who filed lawsuits, with the stipulation that the NFL wouldn’t have to reveal what they new and how long they actually were aware of it.

I encourage you to get out to see the movie, it opens nationwide on Christmas Day. It is a must-see movie for all parents with children in sports. I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t allow your child to play sports, but I do encourage you to understand the risks and the warning signs, and know when to pull your child out of a game/sport. We only get one brain!

You can watch my short video review of the movie below.
(Note: in the video I say “Will Smith only has about 3 minutes of air time”…. I meant to say “Luke Wilson” …… silly TBI brain!!”)

Additional side note: this is the very first movie i’ve seen in the theater since my accident 22 months ago. I was nervous that it would cause me dizziness and I would have to leave, however, I am delighted to inform you that there wasn’t much in the movie to trigger my dizzy issues! There were about 3 moments when I had to look away, otherwise I greatly enjoyed watching it on the big screen!

As I began this crazy journey 22 months ago, I had no idea the true depth of my brain injury.

As I look back at those first 10 months or so, I realize just how incredibly foggy my brain was, and how “loopy” I was. In the moment I thought I was “fine” and capable of making important decisions on my own.

Looking back, I realize I should have gotten a friend or family member involved in my health care. Between the Chiropractor, neurologist, therapist, and my general practitioner, I had almost 100 doctor visits in that first 10 months.

I remember getting extremely frustrated with my Neurologist because I felt like she wasn’t listening to me or believing me. I begged her for help, I asked for some occupational therapy to help with my cognitive and memory problems at my first meeting with her, approx. 10 weeks after my fall. Because there was no damage in my MRI, I feel she just didn’t have the time to be bothered by me. She wanted to “wait” before sending me to any therapies. WHAT?!

As I read her reports, she states that I was talking fine and didn’t seem to show any aphasia or timing delays while in her office. Yet, as I listen to podcasts I attempted to record about six months after my fall, I hear it plainly and clearly. Had I had an advocate with me, someone who knew me and knew how “different” I was now, maybe she would have listened. She clearly had no interest in helping me further since I could walk and talk “just fine” (according to her notes). She was much more concerned with treating my whiplash and wanted to give me injections in my neck for the pain. I’m guessing because she knew how to treat the physical problem. Yet, she’s a Neurologist, I expected her to treat my BRAIN.

I went back to her again at about my one year mark, explaining to her that I was still having cognitive and memory problems, and that my eye was still bothering (which took me another 10 months and an amazing eye doctor to finally find my Double Vision problems). I asked for vision therapy, occupational therapy, ANYthing that could help me. I pointed out the dent in my forehead and explained how my face looked “twisted” and that I just knew something still wasn’t right with my head.

She FINALLY relented and sent me to a Cranial Sacral Therapist (CST). OMG ~ This was the best thing she did for me! Within about two treatments with Greg I was feeling SO much better. Greg took the time to understand what I was feeling, explained to me that he believed me and was there to help me get better!

The photo above shows the current dent in my forehead (remember I hit the BACK of my skull on impact) and this dent is tiny compared to where it began.

I remember telling my Neurologist that my skull had a dent and a ridge that even my massage therapist was concerned about. Also, that my eye doctor noticed my left eye was shifted higher than my right (and hadn’t been previously). She politely explained that it was almost impossible unless I had a fracture….. UGH!!

The CST debunked that statement pretty quickly and said that the plates in our skulls can move around considerably. That that is what was likely causing pressure inside my head. I tell ya, after just a few treatments, the foggy feeling inside my head was almost completely gone!!

The moral of my story is that you have to either be able to be your own advocate, or bring someone with you who can help you. You pretty much have to fight tooth and nails with doctors. It seems to me that many docs will just brush you off if they can’t understand or see what your problem is. I am fortunate that I encountered a handful of great docs along the way, and I encourage you to seek out a new doc if you’re not happy with your current!!

 

 

It happened again last night. I was at a party with some fellow writing and publishing friends. One wonderful person asked me to show my book to everyone, as she loved the cover so much.

It’s always interesting the responses I get when people see the title of my book.
“What made you write about traumatic brain injury?” is a pretty common one.
I always respond with “It’s a story about my journey through recovery.”

Last night the person who asked me about it then stated “well you’re talking just fine, so I assume you must be recovered, right?”

Let me tell you, it took every ounce of me to hold back the possessed demon inside me who wanted to fly through my body and chew her face off.

I get it. People are very uneducated and don’t understand TBI and concussions. In their minds, if we are walking and talking we must be fine. Recovered even. But it’s simply not true.

I took a deep breath, smiled, and told her that no, I was still recovering. 

The gentleman on the other side of me then asked how long recovery is expected to take and I explained how no two brain injuries are the same. That there’s no magic formula to help doctors guess how long it should or shouldn’t take our brains to heal. That most people never make a full and complete recovery, we just learn coping mechanisms to help us overcome the deficits.

We then went on to talk about the movie “Concussion” starring Will Smith. He then said to me that concussions usually have a full recovery. I looked at him and said “no, all concussions are brain injuries” – and he actually argued with me.

I read time and time again in my facebook group how survivors feel so isolated and alone. How their friends and family think they must be faking or exaggerating, that there’s no way they can still be dealing with their symptoms. It breaks my heart to hear these stories, I know first hand how it feels.

THIS. THIS is why I wrote my book. To try to help educated those who don’t understand (including many medical professionals) and to raise awareness on the severity of concussions and TBI.

Check out the podcast by Adventures In Brain Injury that I was recently interviewed in to hear more: http://bit.ly/1OiOeXs